1) Once upon a time, we accidentally came upon a roof deck somewhere far. The moon made a special appearance above the twinkling lights of the city that had always been mine. I saw things in slow motion in a black-and-white montage, mistaking everything we ever did for love. I could hear you say it now in an exasperated voice, "It was just dinner. God, it was just dinner."
2) Today I purchased a machine that sucked everything you ever took from me, everything I ever gave you. If you looked anywhere, a random stranger from a crowd would never suspect we ever knew each other. Every picture had been deleted, every message had been emptied, every place we ever went to, I'd say, "I've never been there before." I made it sound so true, even my mind now believes it. I've never been there before.
3) Your permission is not needed for the way I choose to heal.
4) I remembered kissing you goodbye at the back door fountain where we used to meet. Even after you pushed my hands away at the bus where you last saw me, my lips still kissed your cheek like they never knew shame nor the words "no". When you plunged the knife, they were the first ones to bleed. Next were my bones, though bones don't bleed. That was how much it hurt.
5) After our last conversation that night, I had to creep into my mother's arms for acceptance. The last time she held me as I cried myself to sleep was years ago when I woke up screaming from a nightmare about my dead father.
6) But you should have been a good friend to me. Right from day one, you should have put me in my place and not after the nth date, the nth touch, the nth kiss. You have always been selfish and vicious. You are not my friend.
7) I left my broken necklace in your hometown, a place which I will deny that I ever went. Please throw my necklace away. We both have no use for it.
8) The abyss of pain in which you left me is a reminder of how I will never forgive you for making my heart so cold, for betraying the love that I once had for you: raw, blind and always, always forgiving.
9) Listen, the moment you told me the truth was the moment I stopped crying for your love and started crying for mine.
10) I wore my heart on my sleeve when I finally trusted someone enough to give it to him in its whole broken, duct-taped glory. He didn't want it after all. With so many pretty hearts to choose, why should he pick the ugly broken one?
11) But I'll be so careful now. I promise, I'll be so full of care.
12) Eighty two years later osteologists would dig up my bones and found no trace of your touch, even at the tips of my fingers which used to hold your face. They held my ghost in question and it only said, "I don't remember ever touching his face."
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